Rest In Peace To My Uterus

Yep, the bitch turned on me, I’ve been pretty good to her too. I took care of her, she let me down. Hard. While I’m not regretting the loss of my childbearing years, no, **laughs for hours, no, I’m pretty good with that. It’s just menopause is really not nice. Menopause is a screaming, unpredictable child who has had too much sugar. Menopause is like sitting on a hot poker for hours at a time. Menopause is a 400 dollar a month tampon, underwear and new clothes budget.

Menopause is fun.

Menopause is a new stage of my life that I welcome with open arms. Really, I could be dead and not celebrating this wonder.

The wonder of going from cold to roasting in an instant.

The wonder of bleeding through 17 layers of cotton, two towels and a mattress.

The wonder of my new beard. That’s cool though, people have a new beard fetish lately, I’m good to go.

I guess I’m just old, I’m going grey and getting deep wrinkles. I have random pains and the occasional limp. But hey, when I was 23, I had problems too, I’d rather be here, any day.

This shit’s a breeze, I got this.

PS: I just want my armpits to dry.